A Control Freak
A very close friend of mine calls me a tyrant! He believes I keep on pestering or nagging everyone around me to get things done my way. I do believe him at times because I terrorize everybody from the electrician to the cable guy. I completely traumatized the quiet mattress maker who owns a shop round the corner from my house. The poor man must have breathed a sigh of relief when he delivered the stuff. But why do I do this? To get things done seamlessly is my answer. I do not go overboard with house cleaning and stuff! No I am not a neat freak but I like things to be fixed as soon as possible so staying on top does matter a great deal in my dictionary. It can be anything from laundry to renovation work at home or for that matter getting the phone lines resurrected from time to time as my dogs find the lines extremely tasty and love to chew on them!
So my better half is at the receiving end at times I must confess, "Have you paid the electricity bill?", "Did you get the gas cylinder exchanged?", "When are you converting all the points to CFL?" and so on . So I do keep on asking the question to myself, am I turning into a control freak or am I just a hard task master? I think I am the latter. But you would say what is the thin line that divides these two, right? Well, essentially a hard task master likes to get things done by deadlines and feels very restless when time lines are missed. But a control freak enjoys to pull and push your life no matter what.
In Bengali families we have converted this to an art form. It starts early in life. From school days one is made to do ten different things to become this one great person par excellence. By the time you have reached high school the parents decide what should be the stream of specialization, it does not matter in the slightest whether the child enjoys it or not. Bengali parents are absolutely fanatic about turning all their kids into prodigies or at the lowest extremes very successful doctors, engineers and cricketers (this happened ever since Saurabh Ganguly became the captain of the India Cricket team.)
I come from a home where both family values as well as individual rights were taken very seriously. I do not remember ever my Mom or Dad going through my journals or open my letters. The right to privacy was very well understood and respected although we had a open door rule at our house. No door was to be locked as they knew I would otherwise fall quietly asleep behind my books. I was allowed to read whatever I felt like and watch whatever I wanted to and have my own opinion on anything I believed in.
The new trend that I notice nowadays in Delhi is that Bengali parents or at least one parent is moving in with their wards even when as they step out for college from another town. They can't let go of their sons and daughters even at the mature age of eighteen when they get the right to franchise.
This kind of interference in growing up is unheard off in my home. But I have seen my other friends being bullied by their parents and been given a garb of respectability by the word "love." As a result of which the children are not growing into stable human beings and the number of marriages failing are on the rise. As parents create more and more unstable, over protected and at times bullied children very soon Bengalis would become famous as dysfunctional race. I even shudder at the thought of me being someone like that.
So my better half is at the receiving end at times I must confess, "Have you paid the electricity bill?", "Did you get the gas cylinder exchanged?", "When are you converting all the points to CFL?" and so on . So I do keep on asking the question to myself, am I turning into a control freak or am I just a hard task master? I think I am the latter. But you would say what is the thin line that divides these two, right? Well, essentially a hard task master likes to get things done by deadlines and feels very restless when time lines are missed. But a control freak enjoys to pull and push your life no matter what.
In Bengali families we have converted this to an art form. It starts early in life. From school days one is made to do ten different things to become this one great person par excellence. By the time you have reached high school the parents decide what should be the stream of specialization, it does not matter in the slightest whether the child enjoys it or not. Bengali parents are absolutely fanatic about turning all their kids into prodigies or at the lowest extremes very successful doctors, engineers and cricketers (this happened ever since Saurabh Ganguly became the captain of the India Cricket team.)
I come from a home where both family values as well as individual rights were taken very seriously. I do not remember ever my Mom or Dad going through my journals or open my letters. The right to privacy was very well understood and respected although we had a open door rule at our house. No door was to be locked as they knew I would otherwise fall quietly asleep behind my books. I was allowed to read whatever I felt like and watch whatever I wanted to and have my own opinion on anything I believed in.
The new trend that I notice nowadays in Delhi is that Bengali parents or at least one parent is moving in with their wards even when as they step out for college from another town. They can't let go of their sons and daughters even at the mature age of eighteen when they get the right to franchise.
This kind of interference in growing up is unheard off in my home. But I have seen my other friends being bullied by their parents and been given a garb of respectability by the word "love." As a result of which the children are not growing into stable human beings and the number of marriages failing are on the rise. As parents create more and more unstable, over protected and at times bullied children very soon Bengalis would become famous as dysfunctional race. I even shudder at the thought of me being someone like that.
Comments
On the whole molly coddled "bhoda" next generation of Bengali's I share your horror. I mean I was horrified to come across professionals who still are handfed by their mum (and I am exaggerating here). And in our somewhat matriarchal society the mother finds it hard to let go off the control.
And as my brother says..marriage is simply a collar transfer..where is transferred from the mothers hand to the wife..if the mother obliges i.e.
I loved this piece. More nice subjects please!!
did you know that jesus was a bengali? he thought that his mother was a virgin, and she thought he was god. i rest my case.
DADA!...they will exile you from US..ha ha ha.. and Mel gibson will make the passion of christ part 2 with you at the cross.. but as illusions says AMEN!
going back to illusions's post... i can vouch for a typical bangali upbringing [can't resist the temptation of being... may i say a trifle critical? ;)] where even after marriage the mother buys her son's clothes (read undergarments) and reminds him to drink sufficient water each time he steps out of the house (ahem!)... there are instances galore but better not pull all the plugs lest i might get lynched in broad daylight ;) ... "rekhecho bangali kore etc etc.." (sorry folks couldn't resist the temptation of itching my parochial nerve :)