The Fear of Love



I bumped into a lovely Pushpa with bright eyes and warm heart at a pub recently. Not only was she helpful when I needed a nicotine fix the most, she also made it a point to pass on the message of love warmly as I left. The funny thing is although I knew her generosity stemmed from her Hare Krishna upbringing - believers of non-violence and universal love - I found myself holding back saying the three universal words we all want to hear, "I love you" as a repartee. 

Which came so easily to Pushpa, what kept me from saying them I wondered. It couldn't be my age alone I grunted. Was it my general cynicism? Or, was it simply fear of saying those beautiful words - I love you - and be counted as an emotional fool? That only led to more questions - why do we look down upon people who are emotional, open, warm and generous? What lies in the core of our fears? Why is it so important to build an impregnable wall around ourselves and be a closed person? Why wouldn't I speak to my neighbour or fellow passenger and be suspicious of the entire world around us? Self preservation I argued. But then I have always believed Tennyson to be true, ''tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. With a severe case of broken heart I should know, yet I still believe in him!

What will all the self preservation yield? Perhaps more cynicism and hopelessness in a lonely organised self-dom. But will we be happy? No we will be miserable and cold. But the fast changing digital world wants us to believe that we will be happy in our virtual romances where it does not hurt and where you don't have do the dishes or for that matter exert to even express your love physically.No thank you we do not need to touch our finger tips to feel the tingling sensation, we will make love in emojis instead! Bye bye STD, AIDS welcome HER! 

 Do we all need to be counted as tough alpha achievers with zero emotion and be the epitome of artificial intelligence devoid of feelings and live in the bleak world of HER? Although we want a world for our children full of love and joy, making them caring citizens of tomorrow. May be the love will flourish in their iPads or such simulated devices of tomorrow. Why do we fear the heart so much? It is only allowed to pump blood for the organs going. Is it because modern science can put us on a ventilator and claim we are still living as long as we are not brain dead? That perhaps was the first step when we pledged ourselves to go onto a world of artificial intelligence.

Hopping about during the weekend I found the young lovers of Delhi have made the monuments their own. In a thronging city they look for privacy where there is none to find. When St. Valentine makes an appearance in February the cynicism grows even further and decries the concept for being "not ours", suddenly nationality and religion takes over and Krishna Consciousness is completely forgotten. The day is proclaimed Western, indecent, unnecessary, marketing gimic and so on not doing anything for the country, yada, yada, yada. The list just goes on. As I have been part of the "marketing" business for a while I know some of it is make believe, however, as we say jokingly in advertising fraternity the emotions that it plays on are universal and contextualized only for the local flavour. That is the "Big Idea" every brief needs to make or break a brand. 

Where did "love" go wrong? Love stories in popular genres such as movies and books are generally rejected with much disdain yet more people watch Romeo Juliet or Great Expectations than a Macbeth or Bleak House! Not to forget our own Bollywood which is one the most prolific source of romance and escapist love stories of all varieties. But yet we would like to believe showing your love or affection is not the Indian thing to do and to say it in as many words is possibly worse. 

The way side fruit juice seller quizzes me at Hauz Khas village, "Is it Saturday or Sunday"? Sunday, I reply. "See I told ya it was Sunday and the weather is so nice so naturally there are more young people out and about" he hollers to the neighbouring ice-lolly seller. Hands me over a freshly squeezed glass of orange juice and stoically tells me, "the weather is just right to go out" read "date". Although he is right already tomes have been written over the weekend in newspapers and social media why loving on 14th of February not important and how it can be avoided. Solutions such as to love daily instead and cook for your beloved with matching alcohol list are also being peddled as package solution for not loving. Wonder if professing your love daily would count! May be not in a highly strung, testosterone led society. Killing mindlessly is acceptable but loving insanely is not encouraged. New walls can be built, exclusion is welcome but loving is questioned. Then Hare Krishna believers are seem to be really out of place for professing their love for humanity on daily basis and all we need is love a passe. Such weak people I say! Wishing all lovers in India a safe and uneventful Valentine's!

My heart goes out to to me and whispers, dare!      

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