To Adopt or Not to Adopt!
Overheard in a cafe while sipping cold coffee, " I want to adopt
but its last of my priorities." After such a line and a loud voice which
was completely uncalled for in the empty tenement I was but intrigued. The 30
something man was too full of himself was very obvious, he wanted his friend
and the rest of the guests to know how noble he was. The
"last" bit was such a give away! How does that matter, at least his
heart is in the right place I thought. He had my attention while I waited for my
colleague. "Adopting a child is very difficult you know. As we already
have two kids it is more so difficult," said he to his friend.
Well, he had a sterling point there. My Aunt had adopted my cousin as an
11 month baby from Missionaries of Charity 25 odd years ago and it was a
nightmarish process of six months before the adoption came through and my
little sister could come home. That too when they were childless for ten years
preceding the adoption and had given up hope after several miscarriages. It was
indeed a harrowing process. My heart did go out to the man, more so
to the possible child who could get out of the orphanage, come home to a loving
family and grow up with other siblings. Wouldn't that be dandy? But then it is
not a perfect world we live in.
Even Sushmita Sen had to shed many a tears and hapless moments to adopt
her children as a single Mother. Wherein things should have been easier for her
we would think being such a success in her own right. But then processes are
processes and have to be followed. But let's make them more humane and adoption friendly please!
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| Aditya with son Avinash |
The story of India's first single father Aditya Tiwari is now well
known. But it's worth remembering his noble deed as well as his determination. Aditya Tiwari, single, 28, is a software
engineer based in Pune, who adopted Binney or little Avinash in 2014 and made
headlines across the country. He too had to spend many a sleepless month over
the adoption. Avinash was abandoned by his biological parents as he suffered
from Down syndrome. "I decided that Binney would be my son. I had always
wanted to adopt a child since I read about Sushmita Sen's single parent
adoption. So, I thought why not?" he said in his interviews. Google and
you will find more.
But just like his inspiration the road to adoption was full of
impediments for him. The Missionaries of Charity had a different model of
parenting in mind than something as simple as love. That Aditya had fallen in
love with little Binney at first meeting when the child had held on to his
finger did not matter. First, he had to fight his family's resistance and then
that of adoption procedures. But he was resolute and gave it all he had.
Determined Aditya had continued to visiting the Missionaries, sent applications,
and finally ended up sending over hundred letters to Maneka Gandhi. He also
complained to the Prime Minister's Office. Finally thanks to his sheer
resilience and grit Central Adoption Resource Authority or CARA had to revise
its guidelines for age of a single Father to 25 years from the required 30.
Little Avinash could come home to Daddy's after all such struggles.
The man's statement made me wonder why laws should be an impediment to
such great happiness? The young man was suffering, the child was already
suffering in an orphanage. Mostly, the people I knew did not adopt as they
found either the family blood did matter and surrogacy was a better option; or,
at times, they just could not like myself when there was a disagreement between
the couple. I wanted to adopt but my spouse did not, so I had to let go off the
idea after fighting for couple of years and tried desperately to save the
marriage against all odds. As a single person today I am way too old to adopt.
However, at times I feel terrible about it but then console myself with all
that I am blessed with and carry on. But I would be lying if I said I was not
regretful for not having a child.
If we look at adoption figures in the country it is dismal and
declining. a Hindustan Times article from 2013 states the story here http://www.dailymail.co.uk/indiahome/indianews/article-3047635/Abandoned-family-country-Crisis-India-s-orphans-adoption-rates-plummet-50-cent-five-years.html
The figures will tell you about the grim situation all too well. As a
nation perhaps we should rethink about blood lines and augur the cause of
adoption. What is the point of living a life if you cannot pass it on to
someone with love and care? The young man's voice had made me hopeful though.
May be the scales will tip. may be the 30 somethings will pick up the right
path. May be in the future this balance will improve and more people will come
forward to adopt and orphanages will become redundant sooner than later. Just
may be...
The important agencies for adoption:
Central Adoption Resource Authority: http://cara.nic.in/
An online compendium on different agencies is available below:
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