It's Complicated

Sipping lemon ice-tea and watching the twenty somethings making eyes at each other was fun on any weekend in this boring city.  Especially so when you are in a happy zone of not pleasing anyone but yourself. Pleased as punch I was with myself, for being this all knowing woman of the world but the heart still did sigh at the sight of young love. Also I knew how all roads will lead to disappointment, but somehow they must falter and find out for themselves. And when you are with your best mates quite obviously, the relaxed conversation on our table veered to relationships as it mostly happens between close friends.

Right there on the table we had one anguished married man, a happily living - in woman and me, a once bitten, twice shy widow, with no intention of getting into a relationship ever again. Although three of us had very different relationship statuses but we all agreed marriage is the worst possible relationship for us. 

Marriages – just - don’t- work- no -more. Period! Given the chance, the only committed man at the table will "get out" before you could blink. But he chose to endure on for his two lovely kids. To each his own. We celebrated our differences on the matter with some French fries.

This is a common place scenario for all 40 plus urban Indians today. Just not specific to India but also in the sub-continent around us. Things have really changed we would agree. It’s an urban thing, yes. But in rural India too abandonment and polygamous relationships are thriving.

But what has really happened to the historical successful marriages of our last generations I wondered? Most of us have a good memory of our parents’ lovey-dovey and often not-so-rosy and rocky relationships which has endured the test of times. They had their low points I am sure like any long term relationship is bound to have, but somehow, they overcame it all. But did they? Or, it was just what our memories doctored or rewired? Did they also live in unhappy relationships? 

Come to think of it, I believe they were entrapped in situations where mostly two people lived together because they had to, "choice" had no room there. Later, they somehow convinced each other to stay on for the children. The social stigma attached to divorce and laws of inheritance further cemented them to stay together. As women became professionals and economically independent the game changed. The enabling laws helped them to assert and attain their share of the broken marriages too.

As more and more people find their voice in a relationship it seems keeping a relationship together becomes a “humongous task” and not something we would like to “nurture” anymore. Well, I have learnt the hard way and so have my friends, but would like to hear from you what do you think makes a relationship, errr, so complicated now than it was ever before? Or marriages will soon become a thing of the past? After all it is a social contract between a woman and a man to procreate. With time as more and more couples remain childless, will there be a reason to stay on as a man and wife? Do share your opinion as I keep pondering!